Julianna Lyddon

Familiar Dysfuntion Sabotage

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Juianna LyddonEveryday in my practice I see the effects of unhealthy relationships. We do not create unhealthy relationships by accident. It takes many years of conditioning to develop, what I call, familiar dysfunction. This is considered your “normal,” the patterns that you respond to in an unconscious way. The behaviors, beliefs, emotions, and choices we use on a daily basis have become automatic for most of us. We have inherited these from our family dynamic and these daily influences become entrenched within us, affecting all aspects of our lives, including how we manage our relationships. Often, these patterns we learned were not the best for repeating. Every family has their share of dysfunction; there is no perfection in the human condition. I ask you to consider what your familiar dysfunction is that could be inhibiting your relationships?

The first step toward building a healthy relationship is acceptance. It is important to accept the fact that your way may not be the best way and that your influences from your past have definitely shaped who you are today. This opens the door for you to begin to make a shift in your mindset, one that will encourage growth and a conscious change.

Secondly, we must become more mindful. Mindfulness moves us into a state of awareness. Awareness is where insight meets truth. Through this process, we move from acceptance into the first step of action. Often people get confused by what “action” looks like. Action is not about making radical changes that make your life more difficult. It is about pausing and using the awareness in the moment to reflect upon your actions and thoughts. The bigger changes take shape as you practice mindfulness.
Thirdly, we must evaluate and take stock in what is happening. This is what I call the discovery period. Are you capable of taking the pause and using those mindful moments for exploration? Are you discovering what is really happening under the surface and why? This requires you to ask yourself the tough questions and be okay with whatever comes to the surface. This is how transformation takes form. Through this process we grow and become more enlightened in our daily lives. I urge you to ponder some of these questions as you enter your phase of discovery: Why am I overreacting? What is underneath my initial feeling? Are my thoughts realistic? Do I continually see a pattern here? What makes me feel stuck? When am I not standing in my power? If my higher self had a voice, what would it say?

Growth and transformation is not a quick process. It happens slowly with conscious, deliberate action. In order to create healthy, functioning relationships, we must put in the work on ourselves. We must be curious enough to want to change. You always have choices, even if it seems like you do not. The choice to create a new script, a new story, a new relationship is yours. It is never too late to rewrite your life.

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